E Plurubus Unum, Rex Montis

Monday, April 30, 2007

Victory is mine!

The call was heard up and down the row...."Chooooow?" Someone sending out an invitation to any would-be-chow-goers, who usually respond with the same answer that is the question, "Chooow!!!"

Off to chow we go, a merry group of merry men. We get to chow and have a "good" time. Commenting on the low-grade horse meat, throwing jello at each other, you know..."chow!"

Then comes desert. I found some delightfull cheese cake and brought it back to the table with me. I got several comments of, "Hey, you gonna eat that?" and "You should give that to me"
Next thing I know, Grey and Jonny Rooke are both attacking me from left and right trying to steal "my precious!" I fought them off valiantly.....though it wasn't nearly as heroic as the ice battle, it was fierce nonetheless. Something worth having is worth defending, and nothing worth having is easy to get, or easily kept. This applies to more than just cheese cake....
For the time being, cheese cake is delicious, and......VICTORY IS MINE!!!

Hello to Cheryl! I understand you are a fan?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Goodmorning Americans. Today in the news, Ray attacked Zeke in the Humvee with a large ice cube!

In a suprizing turn of events, The Zeke was outflanked by the passenger (Ray) behind him while out on patrol. Zeke had only let his guard down for a second. Ray only needed that much time to stuff a sizable chunk of ice from the cooler down our hero's neck. The ginormous block of ice became wedged behind his shoulder blade and body armor. Zeke hopped out and started doing a crazy dance to get said ice out of body armor. It was a sight to behold folks; legs dancing, arms flailing, body convulsing. At long last he managed to removed the lethal ice shard from his person.
He then turned on his would be assasin with a flourish, sending hands deep into the cooler to retrieve much cold ammo with witch to vanquish his assailant. Upon obtaining enough ice, The Zeke dove over the... seat and.....MISSED his intended target! His foe was quick to return fire, but not quick enough. Zeke dumped water from the cooler all over Ray, fatefully ending the fight between good and evil. For once, we triumph!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

On the road again

I have one knee in the dirt; I’m behind a Bradley Fighting vehicle and what protection it offers. We haven’t taken any fire yet, but that can all change in a split second. Snipers can be anywhere…a fly buzzes near my head. I don’t even attempt to swat at it. A stream of sweat drips into my eye. It burns, but I have something else on my mind. Something that has my attention so firmly in it's grasp that I don’t even bother to rub the salty fluid away. My rifle is near at hand, but at the moment I’m not even too concerned with that. Then, that which I dread, but that which has happened 8 times already, happens again. I double over and empty my stomach into the dirt…not much left in there. Two dry heaves after that I’m face down in the dirt, almost in my own body fluids. Too weak to get up this time. My buddies come drag me off the road and doc sticks a needle in my arm, starting my first of several IV’s flowing. My body is forced to take the liquid that it is desperately trying to lose in ANY way possible.

Flashback 8 hours

Another hour of our mission comes and goes. We hold our position in one of the “not so nice” area’s of Iraq. We’re back in Fallujah country, again.
We are over-watching a small village in the outskirts.

I’m standing near a road in sector, going on 30+ hours of no sleep. Lost in that dazed, zombie-like state of being, that only sleep deprivation and lack of physical activity can bring. I’m watching the road, watching the village, watching the fields….ever watching.
Sometimes my eyes glaze over and I’m not seeing much of anything. BOOM! An explosion, not so far away, jerks me out of my haze. The radio crackles to life with fragments of …..”…impact....anyone observed…?…crackle crackle…”

Hours pass. Conversations between me and Maddog are random; First thing we will do when we get back home. The infinite universe. The multi-verse…time travel. Army policy on “safety.” What Kyle would look like with a wig on….etc.
Then Duece yells, “Blue bongo approaching!” We look up. Indeed, yet another vehicle is coming down the road. The road they are not supposed to be on. Silly Iraqi’s, you’d think this was “their” road. We do nothing. The bongo approaches. “700 meters!” yells Duece. We start to get out of our Humvee and wave at the guy to turn around with a big orange flag. “500 meters!” wow, what a jerk, we’re tense enough with explosions and threats of suicide bombers without this guy pushing his limits. But then again, he probably lives around here and is just trying to get home. But that’s not my problem, not today. “400 meters!” That’s it. I open my M203 grenade tube and swap out a High Explosive round for a star cluster. “This should get his attention” I say as I snap the breach closed. “Wait a second,” Maddog says. He pulls out an Anti-tank rocket, holds it up in the air and yells, “Behold my boomstick!!!” The guy can’t hear or understand Maddog from that far away, but “sign language” has done wonders for his comprehension of the English language. The vehicle comes to a quick stop. He exits the vehicle. Via interpreter, we explain what he is NOT going to do, then tell him what he IS going to do. He wants to argue. So we tell him what WE are going to do. He leaves.

Flash forward 9 hours. Doc is giving me yet another IV and pronouncing that I have food poisoning. NICE!!! Rotten dirty military MRE’s…..and the fact that I probably got something nasty on my hands out here, despite gloves and hand sanitizer…sometimes you just can’t win.
Doc puts something into my IV. I haven’t been able to hold down any water or oral medicine, so it’s a needle in the bag and lights out for me. I wake up hours later rolling back into base. It takes the night and next day to get back to “normal.” But the mission is over, a success with no injuries. It’s been an interesting week and a looong 48 hours.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


So, I shaved my eyebrows off. I couldn't think of a better introduction. Some guys put some money together ($100 total) and said that it was mine if I shaved my eyebrows off completely! Well, no one here to impress, months before I get home. Those brows were off before you could blink!

I look pretty crazy. I was thinking about enclosing a picture but thought twice about it. You will all have to use your imagination.
Many a strange look have I received. But it is all worth it. Smiles are good to see.
The double take has been observed many times.

I still look in the mirror and jump back. It's pretty crazy.

Take care all, don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


Time. We have so much left over here, yet I feel I have too little of it to accomplish anything. Not that I don't mind being busy. Time goes a little faster that way. With more troops on the ground and our unit still here, all the services on base are being maxed out, ie internet, bathrooms, water, food, phones etc.
I want to keep this post upbeat, but it is so hard in the face of certain adversities.
If stupidity took on a substantial form, I would have to wear a snorkel all the time just to make it from my room to the chow hall without drowning. Even though I would love to, I can't and won't elaborate at this time.

You can almost see the anger and rage building in the faces of my fellow soldiers. I can't deny that the "anger sharks" have been swimming around me of late either. There is only so much you can ask someone to swallow before they have had enough. Any attempt at force-feeding beyond that point is everyone and anyone.

Oh the sweet sweet sound that will ring in my ears when I hear the engine's start and the final boarding call is sounded. Calling us to mount up, and get our tired bodies home.
As was stated in our hometown paper, "...when the B-town boys get home, it will be like a tsunami hitting town..." or something to that extent.

That is all for now, my valve has been bled for the day. Thanks all for stopping by.